Humiliation and Face
Ed Schein’s Process Consultation, Revisited
Humiliation is
being shown that one has much less value in a given situation than one had claimed for oneself. . . When others do not grant us what we claim or when we act in ways that show others that we claim very little for ourselves, we feel “humiliated” (“they made me feel foolish” or “I made a fool of myself”). — pp. 109
What I found interesting was how little I had read about this before — I’ll have to have a talk with Professor Kearl at Trinity University’s sociology department about that. Humiliation comes from both overstepping the value that others want to give you and not claiming enough value for yourself. I’ve been in both situations at INFOSEC. I was hired as a project manager and I understood that I was the one who had the end responsibility and accountability, so I acted that way. And I got cut down for claiming more value for myself than the corporation was believed I had.
What is more interesting is the result of claiming too little value. Schein continues later: “If I am feeling unsure of my status in a given group, I am more likely to remain silent, to ask genuine inquiry questions, and in other ways avoid the possibility of offending someone whose status relative to mine is initially unknown.” When I am uncertain of my value, I tend to not claim much value. My voice is one who is not confident. People don’t think that they have to listen to someone who is not confident about what they are saying.
One of the secrets to a successful life is to have no idea what others think of you or to just not care, to speak confidently regardless of what people say. There’s a guy at INFOSEC that’s worth me revisiting this topic about. He is brash and combative. They put him into a client that was also brash and combative, but where the others were very apologetic and trying to please the client contact. One day, G was told to do something stupid and he and the client contact went at each other, screaming and slamming fists onto the table. The other consultants were quaking: had G just cost them the contract? Of course not! The client contact had a greater respect for G and for the consultants because G stood up to him. This can go too far, though, but the good folks at INFOSEC need to become fighters with their clients instead of the hostility that seethes beneath the surface.
Claim your space or someone else will take it from you and then you’ll have to fight to get it back.
