Several weeks ago I threw my hat into the ring as the best choice for the US Vice President candidate of either party. Today, in an effort to extend my patriotic efforts to serve my country.
In exchange for a properly renumerated position, I am willing to come on board for the next year and take full blame for the entire financial mess. As an accomplished speaker and raised acting, I will go on every news channel and explain how I caused this problem. I will apologize while then playing the victim of others. This will dissipate the blame and help keep us all from focusing on the severe recession we are going into.
I know that the US federal government is strapped so I am willing to take a much smaller salary than the job deserves.
For only 0.05% of the current “rescue/bailout” package, I will take on this tough job for the next five years. It is my patriotic duty and I am willing to serve if called.
I am also available to take the full blame and responsibility for the current non-success of naiton-building in Iraq. From incorrect WMD reports to failures of the Iraqi politicians, I stand ready to spend the rest of my entire life taking the heat. Scapegoating, as all leaders know, is very effective and I am again willing to serve if called.
Again, I will go on all the news channels, file humbly into various congressional sessions, and even stand in a kangaroo court as the culprit. I can be excoriated by both parties and all interested persons who may need to deflect attention from their own prior actions. I am also willing to be the public face of the pullout or buildup.
I am will take this position for only 0.05% of the current best estimates of the total cost of the American expedition to Iraq. But not deposited with any of a long list of banks, to be provided.
It will be my patriotic pleasure to serve as such a paid governmental official (or contractor!) to help politicians weather these trying times.
Because baby needs news shoes. Like every other week these days.