In my lessons on the Tao of Joe: Redeeming Our Stories, I’ve pointed out that the patriarch’s model was to forget well before he ever forgave. Forgetting not only the wrongs, he forgot those who had wronged him (in his case, his brothers).
Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh (Forget), saying, “God made me forget all my hardships and my parental home.” [Genesis 40, The Message]
It’s important because if you’ve a Hidden High Potential, you’ve likely got a lot of resentments. And not just about work.
It wasn’t just the Jewish Bible. Will Shakespeare agreed, often enough to use the formulation several times over the years. Take, for example, King Lear’s words:
You must bear with me:[King Lear, Act IV, Scene 7]
Pray you now, forget and forgive: I am old and foolish.
It seems weird to us, having been pounded with the reverse formulation, that we should “Forgive and Forget”. A daytime television show even carried the phrase as its title some years back. Forgive first, then forget the wrong.
It doesn’t actually work like that.
It turns out that there is probably some brain chemistry that makes the Bard and the Bible more accurate than Oprah on this one. There is a chemical blocker that can, as you recall a painful event, make it store back in your brain in a less vibrant way. You “forget” much of the pain, and that then lets you deal with it.
Not dealing with something, putting it out of your mind, does actually work, contrary to much of psychotherapists. You want to remember it less, and then work out the various splitting and other issues, perhaps in analysis of some form.
One of the best ways to forget the pain of wrongs done because you are a hidden high potential (HHP) is to get work that fits rather than continuing to try and extract that pound of flesh out of your “abusers”.